God is a Hot Drunk
by Tippens
Summary: 6x22 fix-it Crack!fic A certain someone doesn't like Castiel calling himself God. Dean/Castiel, Chuck/Becky in 2nd chapter, Implied Crowley/Balthazar


Castiel had just declared himself God when there was a loud noise and a flash of lightning.

"Castiel, just _what_ in my name do you think you're doing?" Chuck Shurley had appeared right next to Castiel after the lightning faded.

"I…Father?" Castiel said, surprised.

"Come with me," Chuck said as he gripped Castiel's arm. That noise happened and the lightning flashed again.

"What the hell was that?" Bobby said.

"I…don't know," Sam replied.

"Chuck is God," Dean said, wide-eyed.

"We don't know that for sure," Sam said.

"Chuck is God."

"Maybe he's…possessed?" Sam suggested.

"Chuck is God."

"Shut it boy," Bobby said. "Ya sound like a damn broken record."

"Chuck. Is. God."

"Dude, calm down," Sam said.

They heard the noise and the lightning flashed again. Chuck was still holding onto Castiel's arm.

Castiel's hair was more of a mess than usual, his coat was half off, and there was big hole in his dress shirt.

"Is there something you want to say to these gentlemen, Cass?" Chuck asked with creepy smile.

"I apologize for deceiving you." Castiel said.

"_And?_"

"I…apologize for working with Crowley."

"_And?_"

"I apologize for threatening to destroy you."

"_And?_"

Castiel glanced at Dean and then looked at Chuck.

"Do I ha-" Chuck shoved Castiel towards Dean and he stopped a few inches from his face.

Dean shook himself and stared at Castiel's eyes.

"Dean," he said. "I love you." He kissed Dean on the cheek.

There was dead silence for a full ten seconds, then Dean placed his hands on Castiel's shoulders, leaned forward, and kissed him on the mouth. Castiel deepened the kiss as he gripped Dean's hips and pulled him closer.

Sam and Bobby watched them in shock.

"You! Sam!" Chuck shouted. "_You_ are an idiot."

"I..what?" Sam said.

"How dare you tell Dean to be with that whore! It doesn't take a genius to figure out these morons are in love," he gestured toward Dean and Castiel, who were still making out.

"Dean isn't…He never…" Sam was too shocked to form a coherent sentence.

"Look," Chuck said, exasperated, "I know what you're thinking; 'Dean's not gay', but listen, angels are genderless, Dean is bi, and neither of those things have anything to do with the fact that those two are in freaking _love_. I'm not sure how you were too stupid to see Dean is bisexual, he's hit on men in front of you."

_When the hell did Chuck turn into a badass?_, he thought.

"Probably around the same time you turned stupid. You are supposed to be the smart Winchester." Of course God can read minds. "And as for you," he looked at Bobby.

"Me? The hell did I do?" he said, obviously offended.

"Cut back on the drinking, man. It ain't helpin' anything."

He concentrated on Dean for a few seconds, and then said "there. I've now erased every memory of every whore he's been with."

"You can't do that!" Sam said.

"I'm God, I can do whatever the hell I want."

"He's got a point Sam," Bobby said.

"How is that helpful?" He replied. Bobby shrugged.

Chuck turned around and they heard the noise and saw the lightning again, which was starting to get damn old.

Gabriel, Balthazar, and Crowley appeared.

Crowley's mouth was duct taped and he had a rope tied around his wrists.

Balthazar eyed him hungrily.

"Gabriel," Chuck said. "You are to never come near these four again unless you're being helpful."

"I…" Gabriel said. "You…Where the _hell_ have you be-"

"_Gabriel!_"

"_Alright!_"

Balthazar stared at Chuck as he walked over to him and Crowley.

"Oh my-" he started.

"Yeah, yeah I know." He gripped Balthazar and Crowley by their arms.

"Uh…are we going somewhere?"

"New York." And with that, they were gone in an annoying flash of lightning and a loud noise.

"Oh look I was right," Gabriel said when he saw Castiel shoving his tongue down Dean's throat. "Hey Sammy, you-"

"_Gabriel!_"

"_Alright!_"

Dean pulled away from Castiel, a dazed look on his face and his lips swollen and red.

"Where'd Chuck go?" he said. He noticed Gabriel. "Oh. Hey, Gabriel."

"My father fixed your car, Dean," Castiel said, trying to get Dean to look at him again.

"God is a hot drunk." Dean said without thinking.

"Dean!" Castiel yelled.

"Sorry."


End file.
